Americans sure can be direct!

I have had a lot of students comment to me about how Americans have a very direct way of speaking.  Some students have described it as “strong” or “harsh”.

It is true that in the United States, many people will speak directly and openly about a problem.  For example, let’s pretend that you decided impulsively to go to New York City with your friends for the weekend.  Your host family was not home on Friday night when you left, and you left in a hurry without leaving a note for them.  When you came home on Sunday, your host father might say to you “Hey Juan, I’m glad you had a nice weekend in New York City, but I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were going on this trip!  We were so worried that something may have happened to you.  We almost called the police, but luckily we found out from another student where you were.  You scared us, and we are angry that you didn’t tell us anything about your plans.  We need to be sure that this will not happen again, ok?”

While you understand why your host family is upset, you may wonder why they had to speak so strongly to you.  You may feel like they are trying to make you feel ashamed.  In your country a person might find a way to communicate anger with different kinds of words, or even nonverbally.  Try to keep in mind this cultural difference, and realize that the person, while upset, is trying to address the problem in a helpful way.

Most importantly, once you have apologized, you can feel ready to move on from the problem.  Your host family will be ready to move on too!

For example

Why am I struggling in my classes?

Perhaps you have always been an excellent student.  You do your homework, carefully prepare for presentations,and  study several hours for each exam.  In your country you have always gotten good scores, but for some reason you find that you are not doing so well in your English classes.

Learning a language is a completely different kind of academic experience.  And learning a language while completely immersing yourself in it is a whole different kind of life experience.  There are periods of rapid improvement followed by "plateau" periods.  During the plateau periods you might feel quite frustrated, and wonder, for example, why you still are not understood by the woman at the Dunkin Donuts counter.

This frustration you may be feeling about your difficulty communicating with Americans intensifies when you receive a test back and it has a failing grade on it.  It can start to feel like everything is going wrong.

This is where your host family can really help.  Your host family provides you with many opportunities to practice your English in the most practical way, and in the most supportive environment.  The fact that you are living with an American family and strengthening these relationships every day is proof that you are really doing this!  You made it all the way over here to the United States, you are embracing your new life, you have a new family here to support you, and everything will be ok.

Don't forget that your family is there for you, and can help in more ways than just serving as your conversation partner.  If you have a presentation coming up, perhaps you can practice in front of your family.  You will be nervous, but in this sense it will truly prepare you for your actual presentation.  Families are also happy to help explain words that confuse you, and can help you with things like pronunciation too.  Keep in mind, however, that grammar questions will best be answered by your teacher.

So don't get too discouraged.  You may not be happy about your English grades, but try not to see this as a reflection of who you are as a student.  It more likely reflects your current stage in the language development process.