I have had a lot of students comment to me about how Americans have a very direct way of speaking. Some students have described it as “strong” or “harsh”.
It is true that in the United States, many people will speak directly and openly about a problem. For example, let’s pretend that you decided impulsively to go to New York City with your friends for the weekend. Your host family was not home on Friday night when you left, and you left in a hurry without leaving a note for them. When you came home on Sunday, your host father might say to you “Hey Juan, I’m glad you had a nice weekend in New York City, but I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were going on this trip! We were so worried that something may have happened to you. We almost called the police, but luckily we found out from another student where you were. You scared us, and we are angry that you didn’t tell us anything about your plans. We need to be sure that this will not happen again, ok?”
While you understand why your host family is upset, you may wonder why they had to speak so strongly to you. You may feel like they are trying to make you feel ashamed. In your country a person might find a way to communicate anger with different kinds of words, or even nonverbally. Try to keep in mind this cultural difference, and realize that the person, while upset, is trying to address the problem in a helpful way.
Most importantly, once you have apologized, you can feel ready to move on from the problem. Your host family will be ready to move on too!
For example
