Americans sure can be direct!

I have had a lot of students comment to me about how Americans have a very direct way of speaking.  Some students have described it as “strong” or “harsh”.

It is true that in the United States, many people will speak directly and openly about a problem.  For example, let’s pretend that you decided impulsively to go to New York City with your friends for the weekend.  Your host family was not home on Friday night when you left, and you left in a hurry without leaving a note for them.  When you came home on Sunday, your host father might say to you “Hey Juan, I’m glad you had a nice weekend in New York City, but I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were going on this trip!  We were so worried that something may have happened to you.  We almost called the police, but luckily we found out from another student where you were.  You scared us, and we are angry that you didn’t tell us anything about your plans.  We need to be sure that this will not happen again, ok?”

While you understand why your host family is upset, you may wonder why they had to speak so strongly to you.  You may feel like they are trying to make you feel ashamed.  In your country a person might find a way to communicate anger with different kinds of words, or even nonverbally.  Try to keep in mind this cultural difference, and realize that the person, while upset, is trying to address the problem in a helpful way.

Most importantly, once you have apologized, you can feel ready to move on from the problem.  Your host family will be ready to move on too!

For example

Why am I struggling in my classes?

Perhaps you have always been an excellent student.  You do your homework, carefully prepare for presentations,and  study several hours for each exam.  In your country you have always gotten good scores, but for some reason you find that you are not doing so well in your English classes.

Learning a language is a completely different kind of academic experience.  And learning a language while completely immersing yourself in it is a whole different kind of life experience.  There are periods of rapid improvement followed by "plateau" periods.  During the plateau periods you might feel quite frustrated, and wonder, for example, why you still are not understood by the woman at the Dunkin Donuts counter.

This frustration you may be feeling about your difficulty communicating with Americans intensifies when you receive a test back and it has a failing grade on it.  It can start to feel like everything is going wrong.

This is where your host family can really help.  Your host family provides you with many opportunities to practice your English in the most practical way, and in the most supportive environment.  The fact that you are living with an American family and strengthening these relationships every day is proof that you are really doing this!  You made it all the way over here to the United States, you are embracing your new life, you have a new family here to support you, and everything will be ok.

Don't forget that your family is there for you, and can help in more ways than just serving as your conversation partner.  If you have a presentation coming up, perhaps you can practice in front of your family.  You will be nervous, but in this sense it will truly prepare you for your actual presentation.  Families are also happy to help explain words that confuse you, and can help you with things like pronunciation too.  Keep in mind, however, that grammar questions will best be answered by your teacher.

So don't get too discouraged.  You may not be happy about your English grades, but try not to see this as a reflection of who you are as a student.  It more likely reflects your current stage in the language development process.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you a wonderful and warm holiday on your first American Thanksgiving, from my family to yours!

Useful Phrase of the Week: “Keep in touch"

To “keep in touch” means to continue communicating with someone even though you might be far away from that person.  

Here’s an example:

Student: Thanks for dinner, it was great!  I’m going to take a quick shower and then I am leaving for New York with my friends.  I’ll be back on Sunday night.
Host Father: Glad you enjoyed the meal.  Have fun this weekend, be careful, and keep in touch!  Give us a call sometime on Sunday to let us know when you will be coming back.

Nowadays we have many ways of “keeping in touch”.  You can text, email, or call your host family to communicate with them.   Let them know where you will be, whether you will be home for meals, and what time you plan to return in the evening.

Autumn in Rhode Island

The fall is the perfect time to get outside with your family and enjoy some of the traditional activities of this beautiful New England season!  Pumpkin and apple picking, hay rides, food festivals, and soccer games are just a few ideas.  Even just taking a drive together to see the best of the fall foliage is worthwhile.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and while some students choose to travel over the long weekend, we truly recommend that you spend Thanksgiving day with your host family.  This is a unique opportunity to experience this important American holiday.  Families gather together to eat massive amounts of turkey, mashed potatoes, apple pie and so much more.  Then they crash on the couch and watch football!  They will be eager to introduce you to their friends and family, and will be excited to share their traditions with you.

Enjoy this special time of the year.

What IS it with Americans and their dogs?

Below is a picture of “Roxie”, Sheila’s dog

If you find that you are having trouble getting used to the furry, four legged friend in your home, you are not alone.  Many international students are not accustomed to the “family member status” given to pets, and some aren’t even used to seeing dogs inside a home at all.

Your host family will probably be eager to help you learn how to interact with their pets.  It is a good idea to listen to their advice about how to approach the dog or cat and when to leave them alone.  Perhaps you would prefer to always leave them alone!  This is ok, as long as you understand that the host family loves their pet and will expect that you treat the animal with respect.

Here are some examples of ways you will need to be sensitive.  If the pet gets sick, you can expect the host family to be very worried and upset.  If the pet dies, you can expect them to go through a period of sadness and mourning.  It will be important for you to let them know how sorry you are for their worry or loss.

Here are some examples of ways your host family will need to be respectful of your wishes regarding their pets.  If you prefer that the pets do not enter your room, you should tell the family.  They should try to keep the pets out of your bedroom at all times.  It may also bother you when the dog sits very, very close to you at dinner, hoping for your food to fall into his mouth.  Please tell the family that this makes you nervous and uncomfortable.  They should make some small changes to ensure that you can have some peace and quiet while eating.

If you are having an ongoing problem with the pets in your host family, please let Sheila know so that you can work on the situation together.  And finally, try to approach the pets in your host family as you approach the family itself: with an open mind and heart, and a desire to experience new things in life.

Understanding my new environment

Uncovering the layers of a new culture takes time and can be frustrating.  You may find that it is becoming more and more difficult to understand how Americans think and behave.  The information you were given about this country before coming here may now seem incorrect, or overly simple.  You may find that you don’t understand the unspoken rules of making friends, solving academic problems, and of course, sharing a house with an American family.

The team of staff members at your school is going to be one of your best resources.  You should go to them with questions about confusing situations.  For any question or problem that relates to your host family housing, please contact Sheila at SheilaDobbyn@gmail.com .  You can make an appointment to meet with her so that she can help you sort through any confusion due to cultural differences or other issues.

You will find that your host family will be a valuable resource for answering questions about American culture.  They may be able to explain some things that you have been wondering about.  This will give you a chance to share about your own culture.  This exchange is why the host family program exists.  We hope you take advantage of it.

Useful phrase of the week: "What are the ingredients in this?"

Ingredients is a word that means the different parts that something is made of.  It is used when talking about food.  If you have an allergy to a certain type of food, or if you have to follow a certain diet for religious reasons, this will be an important word to use. 

Here's An Example:

Host Mother: I just made some pizza for you!  Try some!
Student: How kind of you!  What are the ingrediants in this pizza?
Host Mother: It is made with flour, tomatoes, mushrooms, olive oil, and chicken.
Student: Sounds delicious.  Thanks for remembering that I can't eat pork.
Host Mother: You're welcome!

Dinner Time

Dinner is the meal that most Americans enjoy together as a family, and is therefore the best time for you to practice English and strengthen your relationship with your host family.  It is normal for students to be feeling tired at this time of day: physically tired and mentally tired.  You may feel like you are missing big parts of the dinner conversation, or you may have trouble finding the words to share something with your family. Don't worry, and keep trying!  Your English will benefit from this regular interaction with your family. 

Missing dinner once in a while is ok.  There will be occassional nights when your host family does not eat dinner together, and there will be occassional nights when you may have special plans with your friends.  Just be careful!  Some students get into a habit of missing dinner at home, and the more this happens, the more uncomfortable it feels to spend time with the family.

Using English to build a relationship with your American Mom, Dad, brother, or sister is hard work, but keep trying!  Your new family appreciates your effort and they are enjoying the experience with you.